Feel

On the day that I realized I loved you
I let you crawl behind my ribcage
And into my heart
Because that is where it is warmest

And that is where I can best share
All of the feelings of pure
Electricity and intoxicating
Security, that you have embedded in me.

And not once did I stop
To think that maybe this
Is temporary, maybe it isn’t forever.
Maybe you will be the one to take my heart,
Your home, and tear it to shreds
And burn it to the ground
And maybe you’ll laugh
Or maybe it will never even happen at all.

But on the day that I realized I loved you,
That is the risk that I took.
And not once have I regretted it because
All of the feelings of pure
Electricity and intoxicating
Security, are what woke me up
From a deep slumber
Of complete numbness.

So even if it is you
That destroys me from the inside
Out, at least I will be in touch with
My surroundings, at least I will be awake, alive.
I will feel the sun and the rain,
And whether my tears burn like acid
Or my cheeks ache from a long-lasting smile
You will have taught me to feel, again.

Back To My Roots

Give me water
of any kind, blue
Or green or other.
Salty or not,
Just water.
As deep as I dare not dive,
Or so shallow that I can barely
Bask, let me return
To where I once came.
Let that which flows through
My every vein and vessel
Consume me.

Give me trees, to frame
My lifeblood.
Give me the air of serenity.
I want to get lost among
Their limbs for hours
And they will take my fears
Like carbon dioxide and expel
Nothing but positivity and an
Ambition for an existence
Of inner peace.
I will relinquish my negativity
Freely.

Give me an untouched
Landscape in which I can let
My hope soar.
For too many hours,
Has it been confined to walls,
Tapping at the windows
Too politely to be heard.
I want to relate to my
Humble beginnings
And apologize for ever wanting,
Wishing to forget.
Take me, I am yours.

Hannah

When I look at you,

I see everything.

Queen of the world,

Life of the party.

The planets are 

Aligned in your eyes,

My darling, and I know

Because I’ve never seen anything 

Quite like it. 

Such Infinite darkness 

In the brightest and

Most enchanting way.

You are made of the stars,

Every inch of you shining 

With pure potential for a 
life
Of nothing but the extraordinary.
I can hear the ocean in your breath
With the ebb
And flow of everything
And nothing,
All at once.
And promise me you’ll never
Tire of your own
Beautiful company.

I know that
Your own mind
Doesn’t even feel like home sometimes,
And you are torn between
Caring too much
And not at all
But even the earth would collapse
If trapped under the weight
Of its own thoughts.
You are as strong as the core
On which we all stand
And no less precious.

So know that when I look at you,
With eyes that hold,
More atoms than our galaxy holds stars,
I am lost,
Just the way an aimless wanderer,
Wishes to be.
And I promise to forever
Be an orbiting moon
To watch,
Rings to protect
And stars to reflect
Your light.

Cure

My heart oozed liquid knives
That day, slicing my throat
Right from the bottom
And tearing tiny holes in my tongue
From which seeped acidic goodbyes.
And like the cruelest of medicines,
I knew that no matter how vile
They tasted as they teased my nerves,
Eventually they would be
My salvation.
Like any good antidote,
They lingered and saught to destroy
Every last trace of you,
Left in me.

For a long time I spent
Too many minutes wondering
Why it was that such a vicious cure
Had not removed you from the depths
Of my thoughts and why my chest
Still ached with the echo
Of your absense.
But you were an easily preventable disease.
The memory remains as a lesson,
Trying to teach a concept,
That my tired brain cannot seem to grasp.
You are long gone but I find
Myself, everyday wondering,
What I could have done better.

I still remember so vividly,
The goosebumps that wrapped themselves
Around every inch of flesh that clung
To my clumsy bones,

Just the way you had. 

But unlike your warm breath
That once soothed my skin,
These came with a cold wind
That shook me to the core
And threatened to never leave.
We said our goodbyes
In a way far different than I’d ever
Let my overactive brain
Dare to imagine.

Want

I hope that you know,
Without a fraction of a doubt
In your beautifully complicated
And insanely fascinating mind,
That when I say
That I want all of you,
I mean it.
And I mean it without
A hint of romanticisation.
Because I know that others
Have gone before me, and said
Exactly this but I promise you
My darling,
This is not a lie.

I will want you at your worst,
With a heaving stomach,
When you’re ache infested;
At your sickest.
I will want you with tears
Streaming down your face
For every single reason,
Be it a spider, a death,
A love, a loss, a life.
I will want you in your nightmares,
I will want you when you steal the blanket.
And I will want you
Even when
You don’t want me.

And I know that
You’ve been broken
Too many times to count
But I want your cracked heart
And I want your conflicted brain.
I want the fingertips that seem
To ruin all that they touch.
I want to feed soft bedroom light
To your tired eyes and I want
To kiss
The tip of your nose,
Forehead, neck, hands, feet,
Shoulders, thighs, knees,
Everywhere.

So I promise to lend you
My headspace whenever yours
Is crowded with brilliant
And terrifying things.
I promise to take photos of you,
Especially when you aren’t looking.
I will try my absolute hardest
To inspire you always.
I will write love poems
On post-it notes
And leave them for you to find.
I will warm your feet on cold mornings,
And I will always run to kiss you
When you arrive home.

Just one one hundredth
Of your soul
Has to believe; that’s all.
Just take one leap.
Into arms that will be home,
Even when your own are not.
Into eyes that have always seen
The world, the stars, the light,
In you.
Into a heart that will lend itself
To your every scar.
Into ears that will never ignore.
Hands that will always hold and
Dreams that will always share.

Possibilities

In the end

It’s the possibilities

That will kill you.

For each situation comes

With it’s own unique set

And as it changes

Or ends,

So do they.

But that is as simple

As it can get- words.

Living these possibilities

Is difficult and it’s

No secret

That we detest change.

We’re no good

At adjusting.

If it were purely

The possibilities that

Changed, perhaps we’d feel

Okay, average, indifferent.

But they take with them hope,

Of situations that we

Planned for and maybe even

Fell in love with.

We got used to

The possibilities

And we mapped our lives

Around them

And we drew pretty little

Pictures, like the innocents

That we aren’t.

And we hoped.

And when the situation

Changed and our pictures

Were torn to shreds

It was hard.

And we can try to

Piece them back together

But the tears will remain

So we let go.

In search of new ideals

We plan new futures

Around a current set

Of possibilities

But always they are

Compared to the old

And we hate ourselves

For that.

Because the old picture perfect

Is torn and ruined,

Tainted with sadness and despair.

So why on earth

Are our brains still

Making awful comparisons

And telling us that the new

Does not measure up.

The answer lies

In the past, in the fact

That history will repeat.

And this set of possibilities

Is not forever

And one day this picture

Will be broken

And torn.

So the only thing

Left to do is stop.

Stop planning, dreaming,

Live instead.

Because nothing will prepare you,

For a new set of

Possibilities,

For the inevitable.